I've got you on fraud, grand theft.
Book these guys on the red barn con.
You may kiss the bride.
They sent some goons over to the motel.
They got to Eddie. He's dead, Jimmy.
Dead?
You have to try and find that murderer.
He's right.
It's either that, or we wait to join the melon rinds
in the back of some garbage truck.
ANGEL: Stop that guy. He's one of the creeps that killed Bobby!
(PHONE RINGING)
ROCKFORD ON ANSWERING MACHINE.. This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone, leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
(BEEPS)
MAN.. Gene's 24-hour Emergency Plumbing.
Your water heater's blown?
We'll have somebody out there Tuesday.
Thursday at the latest.
ROCKY: I still can't believe it, Sonny. It's so sudden.
That's the front door to the chapel.
I gotta go back to see Angel.
Hey, hey, there's the man now. Angel.
Stow the ear wash. Too much to ask you to be on time?
Well, give me a break, will you?
I mean, you handed me an hour-and-a-half's notice.
You're lucky I had a clean suit.
Yeah, here come the excuses.
Boy, what a mistake making you the best man.
All right, come on, Angel.
I'm gonna take good care of you.
Now, you know, popping this on the world the way you did,
well, I didn't have a chance to tell you that I'm really happy for you.
And I'm really looking forward to meeting Regine.
Come on, now, tell me, what sort of person is she?
Medium height.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Sparks, fireworks, that's how it was when Regine and me met.
(EXCLAIMS)
Elliott, come on in here, man.
I go on the block in five minutes.
You want to close the door, chief?
Ah!
Is that lovely or is that lovely, huh?
Fourteen-karat gold, no fill.
It's got your Hebrew letters in there.
Says ''Love always.'' Sixty bucks.
The chick isn't Jewish and neither am I, so can the hustle.
I told you my price range.
Hey, Angel, for 10 bucks, you can't buy the ring on a bathtub.
ELLIOTT: Okay, let's see what else we got. Here.
Now here. Here's what 20 buys. What is it? It's nothing.
It doesn't make any kind of personal statement.
It's beautiful. I'll give you 15.
Eighteen. Fifteen don't pay my gas.
(ORGAN PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) Fifteen...
You better wrap up negotiations, Angel.
Angel, hey.
(DOOR OPENING)
We are gathered together to unite this man and this woman in marriage,
which is an institution ordained of nature in the very laws of our being
for the happiness and welfare of mankind.
Will you, Evelyn, take this woman, Regine, to be your wedded wife?
To love, to comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health,
as long as you both shall live?
Yes, sir.
REVEREND: By the authority committed unto me,
I declare you husband and wife.
Whomsoever God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
(ORGAN PLAYING)
Regine, honey, I hope you like that ring.
It was my mother's,
and her mother's before that.
You may kiss the bride.
WOMAN: (WHISPERING) That's Regine's brother.
What do you call this?
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
Regine, are you crazy?
WOMAN: (WHISPERING) He's her brother.
Bobby, you get out of here.
You go and marry a piff like this
and you don't even tell the family?
I got to hear it from your landlord?
Bobby, there must have been a mistake, man.
I sent out all these invitations.
Sure, I wanted you and your brothers
to come to this reception we're going to have afterwards at Mario's.
All the wine and linguine you can put in your face.
(SCREAMS)
Hey, wait a minute. Now, wait a minute.
I don't know who you are or what your problem is, you better cool it.
Stop it! Stop it!
(MUSIC STOPS)
He's not even Armenian. He's nothing.
That's not fair, Bobby. I'm part Armenian.
Somebody, please get him out of here!
My brothers are gonna hear about this, doc.
You're dead meat.
And you're next in the grinder, mister.
REGINE: I want to apologize to all of you for this.
Especially you, Ev.
But Ev is right. We've got a party going,
and I hope you can all forget about this
and come on down to Mario's
and have all the wine and linguine you can put in your face.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Yeah, who is it?
It's me, Angel.
Jimmy, my marriage is on the rocks.
Regine left me.
There she was, in the prettiest negligée you ever saw.
Her eyes were so alive.
We were just finishing our shrimp cocktails
which the room service brought up.
You know, she loves shrimp cocktail.
Anyway, one thing led to another,
she started crying and then she was gone.
Oh, Angel, hey, hey.
I'm sorry for you, Angel. But, you know, these things happen.
You know, she's a real sweet person.
She's the love of my life, Jimmy. I need her.
You don't know how bad I need her.
I know, Angel. Hey, hey.
Look, it's a strange place, it's the first night.
You know, in a new hotel. Just try and relax. You want a beer?
A beer?
You don't put a Band-Aid on a situation like this.
I want my wife back.
Oh, now, come on, Angel.
Hey, she's probably over at the maid of honor's, you know...
She'll cry, they'll talk the whole thing out,
then she'll come back to you.
You don't know her.
Jimmy, listen to me. You talk to her.
(STAMMERING) You convince her, huh? To see my side of it.
Look, she was very fond of you at the party.
Look, Angel, I do not handle domestic disputes.
I... I... That's just asking for trouble.
WOMAN: Tell him about the shrimp cocktail.
He ordered her this shrimp cocktail.
Well, yeah, yeah. Angel told me about that.
He said you really love shrimp cocktail.
Okay. But how many can you love?
I mean, at first I thought it was a joke.
And then he ordered six of them.
The whole night he was either dialing room service
or squirting little lemons into seafood sauce.
And then there was the television,
and then soaking his bad back in the tub.
Right, Regine?
I mean, let's face it, he obviously didn't care about making love to her.
Well, look, Regine,
I know Angel is...unique.
And, granted, he takes some getting used to.
Sometimes his behavior is...
Well, it's...unique.
But he has some good qualities.
You know...
Hey, I don't know what happened.
It was just the first night. Would you talk to him?
I just got a phone call from my brothers.
They put me straight about him.
You know, he's not even who he says he is.
Last year I was going with this real sweet guy.
Donny Engels. Only my family broke it up.
See, Donny wasn't rich enough, he wasn't smart enough, he wasn't Armenian enough.
So, he left town. Just disappeared.
Okay. So now, I go and I marry Ev.
And look what happens.
I mean, maybe my brothers are right.
Maybe I can't run my own life without making a mess of it.
Oh, come on, now, hey.
You don't seem that type to me, really.
Look, Regine, before you were saying something
about Angel not being what he said he was.
What was all that?
(KNOCKING AT DOOR) You're not gonna believe this.
Hi, Mr. Boyajian.
Hey, Aze, look at this.
Here's the guy that pounded me at the church.
Well. Just who are you?
The name's Jim Rockford.
Get your clothes on. I'm taking you to my place.
Rockford. James Rockford.
Azie, remember? Remember Rockford?
That's the man Martin said was his supervisor back at his home office.
Well, now, isn't that interesting?
AZIE: You're gonna like this, Rockford.
When Bobby brought us the happy wedding news,
we thought we'd check up on the new brother-in-law.
So we made a phone call to the Maple Leaf Breweries in Quebec.
How's that grab you?
They never heard of any Edward Groger.
They never heard of any Dr. Evelyn Martin,
and they never had any plans to buy land out here.
Oh, oh, Dr. Evelyn... Wait a minute.
Dr. Evelyn Martin?
Now, look, I should have seen this thing coming.
(GRUNTS)
$5,000 down the toilet for a cheap con game?
Hey, look, I had nothing to do with this.
(GRUNTS)
ROCKFORD: I'm telling you, Martin is right out here in my car.
Why don't you talk to him?
You're in deep trouble, Mr. Brewmeister.
AZIE: Get him. Get him!
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
ROCKFORD: Angel, open up. Come on, I know you're inside.
Angel?
(DOOR RATTLING)
Angel!
(RATTLING)
All right, I found my car downstairs. Now, where are my keys?
Jimmy, I had to split.
Well, sure you did, ''Doctor.''
Boy, of all the names to toss out in your little scam,
you've got to go and pick mine.
Look, Jimmy, you got an important name. Solid. Rockford.
Don't that sound good? Rockford.
They think I'm part of the action.
Now, what was it this time, Angel?
The red barn con or what, huh?
Yeah, Jimmy, it's a good guess.
It's a variation of the red barn.
Yeah, well, I'm in it all the way now.
So I want to know every detail.
Every cheesy little detail.
Jimmy, you're burning me on this thing.
See, the Boyajian brothers are in the garbage business.
And they had this old dump that they covered with topsoil.
They were trying to sell it as real estate.
It's called a sanitary landfill.
But it was a reaI unsafe gobbler.
Well, they've been 10 years praying for a buyer.
Aha! And a Canadian beer moguI
is the answer to their prayers.
Now, who set the hook?
(STAMMERING) Well, uh... Eddie Groger. He was V.P. in charge of development.
Eddie Groger.
Yeah. Well, he said the land was perfect for a brewery.
He offered them 150 G's,
and he also told them that we'd use their crew to dig up the topsoiI
and recompact it according to building codes.
They had sugarplums dancing in their eyes.
Then you come in as the stall?
Yeah.
I was V.P. in charge of the human factor development.
I said that I found a better piece of land up the coast
and I overruled Eddie.
Then you jerk the Boyajians around
till they start offering you bribes to approve their parcel.
Yeah. $5,000, $10,000, then you and Eddie split.
Hey, have you worked this con before, Jimmy?
Eddie said it was a whole new departure.
Yeah, well, the only new wrinkle that I can see is
what are you doing married to the mark's sister?
I had to. It was my only hope.
You see, the Boyajians tumbled to our game and then,
well, a couple of days ago, they sent some goons over to the motel.
I wasn't there, but they got to Eddie.
He's dead, Jimmy. That's straight.
Dead?
What do you mean, the Boyajians tumbled? How do you know that?
Eddie babbled before he died.
He told me that the two goons who came with the lead pipes were talking about the land.
They were looking for me
but Eddie didn't tell them where I was.
And, well, my only comfort is I'd have done the same for Eddie.
Oh, yeah.
I made an anonymous phone call to the cops.
What else could I do? He was dead.
So it was time to start thinking about you, huh?
''Oh, I need her, Jimmy. I really need her.
''You don't know how I need her.'' You know, that's pathetic.
Well, what am I supposed to do? Take the lead pipe massage?
You could have left town without ruining Regine's life.
What about my parole, Mr. Holier-than-thou?
I break that, I'm back in the joint again.
Now, these Armenians are close-knit.
Once you're in the family, you are gold.
See, once we'd have been on our honeymoon,
well, then I would've fessed up to Regine about the swindle.
When we got back, she'd have taken my side against her brother.
Crazy about me. Yeah, and once the flap with her brothers died down,
you'd have been gone like a cool breeze.
Well, maybe. But in the meantime,
I'd have been bringing the girl true joy.
Listen, the first time we were over at Azie's house for dinner,
she was smiling, making eyes at me,
dipping her donut in my tea.
Love, Jimmy. Oh, yeah?
Well, here's something you're really gonna love.
The Boyajians didn't kill Eddie Groger. That's right, Ev.
Now, they only called MontreaI a few hours ago
and found out you'd been conning them.
You got married for nothing.
Oh, God almighty, no.
Well, somebody killed Eddie Groger.
And somebody's looking for me.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. Probably somebody's still looking for me
and now I don't even know who it is I should run from.
Then call the police. I'm out of it for keeps.
Name's Robert Boyajian, Sarge.
Bobby Boyajian's brothers tell us that you two guys
took the kid apart in a wedding chapel in La Jolla.
And now he's dead.
So don't sit there like butter wouldn't melt in your mouths.
I don't care what they say. We didn't start anything. It was Boyajian himself.
That's right. They're a bunch of liars.
If you've ever dealt with the Boyajians,
you know what creeps they are.
Mr. Martin, Bobby's sister Regine said that you telephoned her
at Azie Boyajian's house last night.
You tried to arrange a meeting with her brothers
so you could iron out some problems. Is that right?
Wait a minute. Angel, you did what?
Regine can't testify against me. She's my legal wife.
Regine hung up on you, Mr. Martin.
So maybe you telephoned Bobby at his home and he agreed to meet you.
Bobby's wound was point-blank.
Had to be somebody who knew him.
Somebody who could walk right up to him.
Right. So what I'm saying is this.
You, or you, or both of you met Bobby
and got what you really wanted.
Which wasn't to iron out any problems,
but to fill the kid's face with double-O buckshot.
It was birdshot, Lieutenant.
Birdshot, buckshot. How much speculation do we have to listen to?
You may have a motive. Maybe opportunity.
But do you have an eyewitness? A weapon?
Anything that's at all solid?
Well, I think that ought to take care of that.
I don't think the District Attorney's Office
is gonna file on loose charges, will they?
Sit down, Rockford.
What for? You can't file a charge.
Not on the homicide, not yet.
But I've got you on fraud, grand theft.
Complaints signed by the Boyajian brothers.
Sergeant, get somebody from the bunko squad up here.
Book these guys on the red barn con.
Like I said, sit down, gentlemen.
Let 'em have it!
Sucker busted up my wedding.
Hey, Jimmy, how you doing?
What are you cheesed at me about? I got you off the bunko rap.
Angel, you get too close to me,
I'm going to pull out your beard hair by hair.
Hey, it ain't like you're the one that got the sergeant on me
and it wasn't your partner that got beaten to death.
You're not the one that's got somebody
going to hit you over the head with a lead pipe.
For you, it's over with. Hey!
Hey, what are you two guys doing out on the street?
Hey, Azie, how are you?
I'm so terribly sorry to hear about Bobby.
Jim, just keep walking. Don't say anything. I mean it.
Rockford, you scumbag. Don't you turn your back on me.
Azie, don't get into it. Not here.
We got to pick up Bobby's belongings.
Then I guess we're gonna give them to Goodwill,
'cause he ain't never gonna use them no more.
His whole face is gone.
And the police lets sleaze like you go free, huh?
Okay. So be it.
We know where to find both of you.
I'm Mr. Rockford's attorney. Should I interpret that as a threat?
Come on. Come on.
All right.
It's over, huh?
Jim, I think the thing for you to do
is just lay low untiI the cops nab Bobby's killer.
These guys will cool off.
But they ain't gonna make that collar
if they're set on sticking me and Jimmy with the killing.
I'm talking about survival, now.
You're gonna have to try and find that murderer.
Oh, no. No. Absolutely not. Beth.
I don't want... Beth.
He's right.
It's either that, or we wait to join the melon rinds
in the back of some garbage truck.
Hey, Leo Kale?
Jim Calmet, County Health, Communicable Disease Control.
I'm here regarding a Robert Boy...
Boyajian. Yeah. Yeah.
I've been interviewing all his friends and coworkers.
They tell me over there that you were perhaps the closest to him.
We had a few yuks.
You see, our department was notified that during Mr. Boyajian's autopsy
that there were indications of incipient encephalitis.
You see, the disease has a tendency to go epidemic,
so, of course, we're trying to find out
where he might have contracted it.
See, it's my job to assemble a total picture
on just exactly all his contacts and activities for the past few weeks.
I sure hope you can help me.
Past few weeks?
I got trouble remembering where I was this morning.
Let's see. Little Bobby showed up for work most days.
He didn't deserve a snootful of birdshot.
Hey, you know, we weren't joined at the hip.
Why don't you go talk to his family?
Oh, well, I plan to do that,
but, you know, in the middle of their grief...
Grief? Listen, there's a funeral and all,
and that's a lot of showy slop.
Appearances, you know. His brothers had no use for him,
and he had no use for them. The kid was a free spirit.
Well, I'll... I'll file all this information.
I sure want to thank you for your help, Mr. Kale.
It's okay, gent. Kill a germ for Leo.
Middle of your brother's wake and a Cat goes out.
Hey! You guys, stop that guy!
He's one of the creeps that killed Bobby.
Hey! Hey, you! Hey, wait, stop him! Hey!
(TIRES SCREECHING) Stop him! Hey, stop him!
Who is he?
His name's Rockford. An ex-con.
Him and another jailbird, Angel Martin, they did it.
And the jerk cops went ahead and sprung them loose.
This investigation is at a dead end.
Say, how about another sandwich? Uh-uh.
Dad, look, buckshot is more lethal than birdshot.
I mean, it's a logical choice in a shotgun killing.
I mean, even Chapman saw it as buckshot.
Dennis had to correct him. Well, it...
No, no, no, now wait.
Now, Leo Kale, right out of the blue, he pops up with birdshot.
How'd he know?
Well, probably just a figure of speech.
Look, Sonny, I hate to tell you this,
but you got a mighty skimpy lead in this.
Remember, folks, that's Gene's Universal Motors,
here in the friendly city of Artesia.
...and I know the little lady is gonna like it.
And speaking of the little lady...
Remember, I'll see that each and every one of you
get all the Smith's Buttercrunch candies you can eat.
Now we have... Hey, Gene.
(WHISTLING) Come here.
Cut it.
We'll pick this up later.
What do you want, Leo?
(ENGINE STARTING)
MAN: Lenny will be back in a moment, sir.
Oh, Mr. Chechik? Yeah.
Jim Pokell.
Well, how are you?
Hey, you're just as tall as you are on TV.
Hey, listen, I'll tell you why I came in here.
I need myself a second car.
I want something a little conservative,
but with some zotz under the hood.
Now this Charger here, now that looks pretty good. Priced right, too.
And I know you're gonna like the terms, too.
Why don't you come into my office? We'll have a cup of coffee.
Well, more than the price, what I'm really interested in is personalized service.
Now, a good drinking buddy of mine
told me to come down here and see you.
Leo Kale.
Big guy. Great sense of humor.
(LAUGHING)
Don't know a Leo Kale. Sorry.
Now I kind of feel like a jerk.
I mean, why would he tell me a thing like that?
Well, it happens.
You know, your average Joe sometimes likes to say he knows a TV personality.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Look, can you excuse me a minute?
One of my mechanics has got a problem.
(STAMMERING) Yeah, but what about the car?
Oh, well, since Lenny was taking care of you first,
I don't want to cut his commission.
You can have him paged from the salesroom floor.
Listen, I know you're going to like your new Charger.
Yeah.
Hi. Thank you for coming.
You know, this could have waited till after the wake.
I told Azie I needed to take a walk.
Which was true.
I appreciate your willingness to talk to me.
You know, it's obvious you don't think that Angel and I
had anything to do with Bobby's death, and I'm glad.
I know you didn't.
But tell me,
where is rock bottom as far as your friend is concerned?
Let's sit down.
Did Bobby ever have any involvement
with a car dealer by the name of Gene Chechik?
No, I tend to doubt it.
Bobby never hung out with any of what you'd call your normal people.
The Leo Kales of the world were more his speed.
You met Leo? Yeah.
Oh, isn't he a trip to the zoo?
You know, Azie always felt that Bobby should have been Leo's brother.
Azie felt that Bobby was a cross he had to bear.
Why is Azie so bent on revenge now that Bobby's gone?
Guilt.
There's nothing like it to take all the fun out of hating somebody.
Azie has to take credit for the way that Bobby turned out.
He knows it.
See, Bobby was always...
wild and unpredictable.
And if Azie is anything, he is predictable.
His self-controI isn't all it could be, either.
You know, when Bobby was 16,
all he wanted to do was have fun.
Cutting class, smoking, speeding around in a car.
He was fun.
He was good company.
And then Azie threw him out of the house.
Cut off his money. Claimed it would make him a man.
It just drove him closer to people like Leo.
And gradually,
Bobby wasn't fun anymore.
He was just mean.
And drunk. And perpetually broke.
A wedding and a funeraI in three days.
(CHUCKLING) The limousine people must really love us.
Regine, you say Bobby was always broke.
He wasn't broke when he died.
You have any idea where he got the $1,000 that was on him?
(STAMMERING) Look, I don't know if it means anything,
but Chechik and Kale are tight.
I mean, I saw Chechik drop everything to talk to Kale.
Then later, Chechik lied about it.
I don't know what it means,
but I think it's possible that Leo Kale is the one who murdered Bobby.
Leo?
(EXCLAIMS)
I don't know why that surprises me at all.
I used to say to Bobby, ''Stay away from Leo.''
Leo was a Long Beach Rattler.
Yeah, I remember the Rattlers.
The sphinx, the pyramid, King Tut. That's all ancient history.
Dennis, I told you, Leo Kale was an outlaw biker.
Okay, Dennis, maybe it slides together in a weird kind of way.
But Regine Boyajian told me that Leo Kale went to work for their family in 1963.
Well, '63 was just about the time that the Boyajians
filled their dump with topsoiI and put it up for sale.
And Leo Kale ran one of the dozers that did the work.
When do we get to the Trojan War?
Thirteen years later, Eddie Groger and Angel Martin come up with their little con.
And what happens, huh?
Eddie Groger ends up on a table with a drain at one end
and then Bobby Boyajian is the next one to die.
Now, come on, doesn't that pique your curiosity just a little, huh?
Dennis, all it's gonna take is a phone call to Long Beach.
Now, I'm not gonna stick my neck out
and say that Gene Chechik is involved.
Maybe he isn't. But I'll tell you something.
I'll put that shotgun in Leo Kale's hand any day of the week.
Yeah.
Jimmy, it's me, Angel. Hurry up, open up. Yeah.
Now, look, man, we got to get to Ensenada.
Then, from there, I think we can make it to central Mexico.
Hold it. Hold it, Angel. What are you babbling about?
Jimmy, we're really hot now.
Word is on the street that the cops found a shotgun in my bathroom.
(RINGING)
Yeah, Dennis? This is Jim.
Oh, no. You know what time it is?
Hey, what did you turn up on Chechik and Kale?
Well, hold on. I can't talk here.
I'm sorry, honey.
In 1963, Kale, Chechik and another Rattler, now deceased,
were arrested for the murder of two rival gang members.
Informants blabbed on them,
but then Long Beach PD ran into corpus delicti problems.
The bodies were never found,
and the Rattlers had to be kicked loose.
You're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you, Dennis?
That Angel and Eddie Groger were making phony offers on a secret graveyard.
You know, all you need is a good set of dental records to nail them.
I mean, Chechik and Kale couldn't know
the land purchase was a phony.
They got to think that the bodies were going to be exhumed.
A lot of speculation, which may or may not explain Eddie Groger's murder.
But that's the sheriff's jurisdiction, not mine.
Bobby Boyajian, he's my jurisdiction.
And you and Angel are wanted in connection with his murder.
Look, why don't you bring Chechik and Kale in and sweat them?
Have you ever heard of probable cause?
We don't have one bit of cold evidence
to link them with either murder.
What we do have is a shotgun that was concealed in your buddy's house.
Oh, come on. That plant's so obvious you ought to water it.
Jim, I'm telling you to come on in.
For what? More questioning?
You ask me, I've already raised a lot more questions than I can answer.
I don't know where you're getting your information, but it's very spotty.
You know, you're not just wanted for questioning. Not anymore.
The beef out on you is conspiracy to commit.
Conspiracy to commit.
You realize this is a sanitary landfill? Yeah.
I'll bring my engineers out here with a grading crew
and we'll rip the toupee off of this acreage,
see just exactly what it's going to take to make it buildable.
Mr. Wakley, that's an awful lot of work and expense.
We're willing to go that far.
Besides the mobile homes, we're putting in an Olympic-sized swimming pooI
and a fieldstone clubhouse.
We just can't have them sinking into all that garbage down below.
Well, of course not.
And, if further development proves not feasible or too costly,
well, I'll eat the option money.
And naturally, I'll recompact the entire top fill.
Well, naturally. Naturally.
Listen, I told you the last time, I didn't want you coming here.
Then why don't you answer my phone calls, Gene-O?
There's another buyer on that dump.
And he's gonna rip it up.
(ALL CHATTERING)
We're going to have to dig up those bikers' bodies, and quick.
We've been through that. They're at least eight feet beneath the topsoil.
What do you want me to do?
Take a dozer, come out here on a bone hunt in broad daylight?
So do it at night.
You gotta stop the project at its source, Gene-O. Face it.
Another killing.
First we have to kill Groger. Then it's Bobby Boyajian.
I was only 25 when we had that rumble with these bums.
It was an accident. I was drunk.
(SIGHS)
How long am I gonna have to keep paying for it?
Till you buy this property and pave it all over like I told you to.
What do you think, 100 grand just comes onto my desk everyday, huh?
And what's the use, anyway, with some machine mouth like you running around
and telling every jerk he runs into what's underneath here?
You know something?
I think you wanted the Boyajian punk to blackmail me.
And you know something else? You resent the hell out of me.
Who's doing the work here?
I think a guy named Wakley.
All I heard was Azie Boyajian griping about some buyer
not renting a dozer from our dump.
You better call the real estate people and check the buyer, Wakley.
And you'll do the thing?
What thing? Oh, the killing.
You and me are partners.
Your hands are gonna stay as dirty as mine.
And when we snuff Wakley, you're gonna buy this land,
and me and you ain't never gonna see each other again.
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
Yes, this is the Wakley residence.
(STAMMERING) No, I'm sorry, he's not here right now.
Well, I guess if it's a real emergency
I could tell you how to reach him.
It's not going to be easy, though.
You see, he's gone fishing for the weekend.
He's gone for the whole weekend, all by himself.
Yeah, you see, he went up there to Flinthead Lake.
And, well, there...
No, no, there ain't no phone there.
Well, he won't be too hard to find.
You see, he's driving his big white camper with a cab over it.
Yes.
(LAUGHING) Jimmy, you don't need a real live body over there.
I can put together a real nice dummy
with a couple of pillows and a hat. It'll fool anybody.
I remember once in the Navy... Angel...
It won't work. Now get in that bunk.
Well...
You got nothing to worry about, anyway.
All right, the minute somebody comes through that door
and they move toward you with a weapon,
I'm up and I'm going to make them freeze.
Anything else happens, you just start swinging with that Georgia toothpick.
Of course, nothing else is going to happen.
And the police are only a phone call away.
Jimmy, there's got to be a better way.
Then why don't you come up with it, huh?
The cops want probable cause, they're gonna get probable cause
in the form of an attempted murder
that ties right to that property.
Do you think that I would borrow this camper from Rocky's neighbor
and risk damaging it if I thought something nasty was going to do down, huh?
(CLICKS TONGUE)
This was supposed to be my honeymoon.
I had a good woman and look what I did.
I could have been with her tonight,
holding that warm, sweet body instead of this fungo bat.
Save the Hank Williams, will you?
I left my fiddle at home.
What, I ain't entitled to have regrets?
The only thing you're upset about is the spot you're in.
What about the spot you handed Regine, huh?
I wouldn't be surprised now if she turns off men completely.
Oh, come on.
It happens, Angel. It happens.
Let me tell you something, if I had my choice between you and her right now,
I'd pick her.
Jimmy, I had to stay alive.
You're alive. Be happy.
You have plenty of good years left
for sniveling and complaining.
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING)
(WHISPERS) Jimmy, did you hear that?
Yeah. Yeah. Now, don't go false starting on me.
We need them inside.
Easy, Angel, just let them satisfy themselves that this is the camper.
Did you lock the cap on the gasoline tanks like I told you to?
I forgot.
(ENGINE STARTING)
Leo.
Somebody got out. Two people.
It's that guy Rockford.
(GUN FIRING)
Jimmy, you got him covered?
(HORN BLARING)
You, call the police.
I hope you're as good at selling stories to the cops
as you are at selling used cars.
Angel, I am in a foul mood today
and the last person I want to see is you. So out.
I can feature you being browned off at me, Jim,
so I'm not gonna stick around.
But I was hoping that maybe I could stash my stuff here.
See, Regine's annulment petition went through
and I got to give her my entire collection as part of the settlement.
Well, I mean, originals. Collectors' items.
Ivory Joe Hunter, Little Walter...
You want to hide them here after what you've done?
Look, as far as I'm concerned,
Regine deserves all four of your limbs.
Wait till you go through a divorce.
We'll see what kind of tune you sing.
I might as well have gone through one.
You know, I had lunch with a banker today.
You know, I have to refinance my trailer
to pay back a $2,000 debt for that property option.
Also owe a bill for the rental of a bulldozer.
Rocky won't even talk to me because his friend's camper did a patty melt.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) REGINE: Jim?
What is she doing here?
Well, she said she might drop by.
She wants me to help track down an old boyfriend of hers.
You mean that bozo, Donny Engel?
I know all about that guy.
Well, you don't do missing persons work.
For her I do.
I might even do it for free.
You know, if I didn't know you were such a lizard,
I might think you were jealous.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
What am I supposed to do? She's out there.
Hi. (CHUCKLING) Hello.
Listen, why don't we go on over to the restaurant and have a drink, huh?
Oh, am I interrupting something?
Well...
Hi, Regine.
Look, I'll go on over and get us a table, okay?
(DOOR CLOSES)
(STAMMERING) So, how you been?
Those are the records, aren't they?
Yeah. Jimmy was helping me crate them
and then we were gonna take them to the post office and ship them to you.
I suppose you think it's petty of me
to ask for your record collection, don't you?
No, no. It's fine.
Listen, I might as well carry them out to your car. You parked out here?
I'm lying to you.
(SIGHS)
I'm lying.
Boy. Boy.
The shuck just comes out of my mouth like the fumes out of a city bus.
I was going to hide the damn records here. I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Listen, Regine. About you and me...
I thought they were gonna beat me to death with a lead pipe, Regine.
I know that.
But I could have helped you. You just never asked.
You didn't give me a chance.
You lied to me when you asked me to marry you. And you just...
You made me feel like I didn't exist at the motel.
Why couldn't you talk to me?
Because I was so uptight.
I mean, all night long all I could see was
this lead pipe hitting me on the head.
The fact is, I didn't see you at all.
Regine.
Look, I like you. That's nothing phony there.
You understand?
You were just scared.
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
You're always scared.
Aren't you, Ev?
I'm glad those people didn't hurt you.
For a while there, I was wishing they had.
Just once or twice.
Yeah. I dig.
I better go.
Listen, Regine.
Why don't we talk some more?
We can go to dinner.
I don't think so.
Well, we'll just stay here, then.
We can drink some of Jimmy's beer
and we'll play the records on his record player.
My calendar is totally free for the day.
Huh? You and me, we'll just...
No.
Thank you.
You take it easy now.
Okay?
You okay?
Yeah.